Calming Reality-Check

I had confidence all wrong.  Confidence isn’t believing everyone is going to like me today because my clothes and hair are perfect. Sounds silly, right? But doesn’t our confidence too often depend on what we believe others will think of us? Well, we’re partly right.   Authentic confidence Real confidence comes from believing that God loves us more than we can imagine. That we don’t have to do a single thing to earn his love.  Confidence is believing that God loves us so much that he just wants to hang out with us. Wait—hang out?? Aren’t I supposed to be exerting myself to do his will? Yes, but stressing that we’re not doing things perfectly—that we’re never doing enough— gets in the way of resting in God’s peace.  Which, in the end, is all he really wants of us. The sweet “how to” below by an anonymous author is guaranteed to warm your heart and give you a confidence boost.   How to Hang Out with God Me: God, what do You want me to do? He: I know what I want to do, what do you want to do? Me: Well, I would like a happy marriage, well-behaved children, clean house, health, enough money… He: Okay, all good things. Me: What do You want me to do? He: Hang out with me. Me: Hang out? What do You want to do? He: Hang out. Me: What do You want to talk about? He: Let’s just hang out. Me: Now what do You want to do? He: Nothing, let’s just hang out. Me: What can I do? He: Hang out with me. Me: Then what? He: Love. Me: Then what? He: Love some more. Me: What for? He: Because I said so. Me: What good is it for? He: You’ll see. Me: I don’t feel very loving. He: I know. Me: How am I going to do it? He: Just do it. Me: Why? He: Because I told you so. Me: What else? He: That’s it. Me: What do you mean, that’s it? He: Just hang out with me. Me: It’s hard for me to hang out, I need to be doing something. He: I know. Me: So what should I do? He: Hang out with me. Me: How do I do it? He: You’re doing it right now. Me: I feel ridiculous. You just want me to hang out? He: Yeah. Me: I love You…what I know of You. He: Love you too. Me: What do You love about me? He: That you hang out with me. Me: Who wouldn’t want to hang out with you? He: You’d be surprised. Me: Surprise me. He: Well, for instance, you. You often have a million things going through your head, or you fill it up with silly fantasies or judgments or you worry too much. Me: Sorry. He: I forgive you.   “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (Jn. 15:9-11).

After sitting silently in adoration for 10 minutes yesterday, I began to get restless that I didn't feel very connected to God.  What was I doing wrong? Was I not paying attention? Then I realized I had fallen into a trap that I coach people how not to fall into! It just shows how we need a system to avoid from the never-ending temptations that try to pull us away from God and put the focus on ourselves.   Recovery time I reminded myself that God is always closer to us than we are to ourselves. His connection with us is never, ever a problem. The psalmist put it this way:Where can I go from your spirit? From your presence, where can I flee? If I ascend to the heavens, you are there; if I lie down in Sheol, there you are.  If I take the wings of dawn and dwell beyond the sea,  Even there your hand guides me, your right hand holds me fast” (Ps. 130:7-10). And I remembered that God is not in the business of fulfilling my expectations at every moment. He is in the business of fulfilling his Divine Will. And his will is for our salvation. So he will give us in every moment exactly what we need. Scripture says: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, my thoughts higher than your thoughts” (Is. 55:9).  And God’s thoughts—his plans for us—are always more glorious than we can imagine.    It comes down to trust If warm fuzzies are not on the menu today, we can trust that he is still working powerfully in our soul to transform us into the likeness of himself. After this reality-check, I stopped feeling restless and started to feel grateful. As I thanked him and praised him for being the glorious God he is, and for looking on me with so much love and mercy, he reminded me that gratitude is a balm for any pain we feel in our body or soul.Gratitude plugs us into the eternal reality of God’s care and is a great way to find a connection with him.   A gift for you If you'd like to know the exact five-step process I and my clients use to stay on track with God and to stay connected with him and ourselves, join me in my free, live, 60-min workshop. It’s called “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose” and you can register here.

Are you emotionally hydroplaning? I mean going from one task to another to another—conquering your to-do list but losing connection with your family and yourself. Like my client Amy, who avoided slowing down because she felt like everything depended on her: the farm, the finances, the husband, the house. She wondered why she was always exhausted.  She knew there must be a way out, but she didn’t know the way out. So many Catholic women feel that way. Because they don’t know the root cause of their exhaustion.   How to reconnect Amy reconnected with God—and herself—through my Success Over Stress Program. No more hydroplaning!   If you’d like to know the exact 5 steps I and my clients use to reconnect and reclaim our peace, join me at my FREE 70-min workshop, “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.” Register here. Jesus tells us, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides” (Matthew 6:33). Amy’s transformation happened quickly. She said, “I don’t beat myself up like I used to.” Would you like to know the first step Amy took?   My #1 tip to connect with God Write down a time and place to pray every day. Start with five minutes.  The first minute is telling God what you need help with.  The next three minutes are to stop talking and listen to what he puts on your heart. The last minute is for thanking him for his love and care.  Then, get on with your day with a new awareness that he’s got your back. Five minutes. Forget about it being perfect. By taking time to listen to God’s gentle guidance, your confusion will begin to clear up and good decisions will start to appear. And you’ll know it’s God by the calmness that comes over your whole body. To get in on my other Top Tips for clarity and calm, join me for my FREE 70-min workshop, “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.” Register here now. 

So many Catholic women feel like when they pray, they're just going through the motions—just getting through with it and moving on to the next thing on the to-do list. They want more out of prayer but they don't know how to get there. Sometimes, it’s a constant battle to stay present in praye— and after we finish, it’s all a blur. (If your prayer gets derailed by distractions, join me in my free workshop: “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.” Register here.)   #1 TipHere’s my number one tip to get back on track to make your prayer more meaningful: Forget the boxes for one day. Forget your routine. Forget what you think you should be doing—and do this: Take one prayer and pray so slowly that it brings up questions and thoughts in your mind. Reflect on those questions and thoughts. Just one prayer for today. I'll give you an example. When I slowed down praying the Magnificat, here’s what showed up:    My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,  My soul is created to proclaim the greatness of a Lord, not the greatness of myself.   my spirit rejoices in God my Savior  My spirit is not created to rejoice in what I have accomplished, or what I have, or what I look like. I am created to rejoice in God, who is eternal love.   for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant. I rejoice because God has looked on me with his favor and his mercy. He has created me in his own image to love and to be loved; to know, love, and serve him. I rejoice in him because everything good I have comes from him; all my hope is in him. I rejoice because he rejoices in me. “The Lord…will rejoice over you with gladness, and renew you in his love” (Zeph 3:17).   From this day all generations will call me blessed: the Almighty has done great things for me,  It is the Almighty’s action in me, and that alone, that makes me blessed, that helps me to do anything important and connected with eternity. All good that I have ever done or ever will do is from God working through me.   and holy is his Name. Everything holy in me, everything God-like that I aspire to—comes from him, imitates him, and reflects him shining in me.   He has mercy on those who fear him in every generation. I revere his awesome power to do good through me if I just say “yes.” I have no power to do good on my own, independent from him. I pray for the grace to receive his mercy and to show that mercy to everyone he puts in my path today.   He has shown the strength of his arm, he has scattered the proud in their conceit. God cannot be overpowered or outdone. His strength alone is my strength. When I feel scattered, it means that I am trying to use my own strength, which is weakness itself. I rely entirely on God’s power to bring good outcomes in my life.   He has cast down the mighty from their thrones, and has lifted up the lowly. The more I remind myself and try to live out my own powerlessness, the greater power I have to do good because I am emptying myself of my own pride, my own will, my expectations, my desires—making room, as Mary did, to be filled up to overflowing with God’s eternal power.   He has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty. The “good things” God fills us up with are his very self. When he fills us in the Sacraments, in prayer, and in service, we are filled with God’s own peace, knowing that he has our back and it is he who is accomplishing all we are doing. “Lord, you will decree peace for us, for you have accomplished all we have done” (Is 26:12).   He has come to the help of his servant Israel, for he has remembered his promise of mercy,the promise he made to our fathers, to Abraham and his children forever. God’s promises are beyond our comprehension in their scope and depth of love. And all his promises are ours if we say with Mary, “Let it be done to me according to your word.” Our yes is the golden key that opens God’s heart—that opens heaven on Earth, that opens eternity to us—beginning here and now.   This is what happens when you limit the number of prayers you’re praying and slow down to give fewer prayers enough time for a connection to happen. My reflections inside the Magnificat would never have shown up if I had just checked-that-box on my way to the next to-do. It doesn’t have to be a long prayer like the Magnificat. It can be short—sometimes it’s just one word. The key is to listen. 🙏 If you struggle to stay focused in prayer, join me in my free workshop: “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.” Register here!  

Does this sound familiar? You offer your day to God first thing in the morning. And because you did that, things go pretty well and stay relatively sane. You’re cruising along, trusting God’s will, feeling his power in everything you do, and then -- boom! The computer crashes or you run into a traffic backup when there’s no time to spare. What happened to our plans? Where did our peace go? I mean, we need to have expectations of what’s going to happen or we couldn't survive. We can’t do without planning, and planning means expectations. Which means frustration when things don’t go our way. What to do? If you carry little annoyances throughout your day, help is on the way! Join me in my free workshop, “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.” Register here.   It helps if a part of us is open to the unexpected – because our expectations can work against us when God has something else in mind. St. Francis de Sales said, “Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.”  Maybe it means holding our expectations with less of a grip, with less of a feeling that “this is what has to happen, or else.” And to practice expecting God to redirect our plans sometimes and to trust that it’s for our own good.  Our first reaction can easily be “No, this can’t happen.” But what if our second reaction was that of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton: “Oh, my heavenly Father, I know that these contradicting events are permitted and guided by Thy wisdom, which alone is light.” Mother Seton developed a habit of recognizing God’s action when her plans and expectations were preempted – she learned to let him in when people and things contradicted her expectations, many times every day. At the time when God is redirecting us, it feels like we’re driving along in our car and the passenger suddenly grabs the steering wheel and turns a corner we weren't expecting. It feels shocking and it feels like something that's ours -- my plans, my expectations are being hijacked. It feels territorial. And now our schedule to achieve something by noon is in the trash. Having our expectations contradicted never feels good. But the Cross never feels good. It didn't feel good to Jesus and it doesn't feel good to us. If, like Mother Seton and Francis de Sales, we can see our expectations as being as being expendable when God wants to replace them with something else -- and see it as a healthy part of our Christian journey, we will be learning to take up our daily cross and follow him. Mother Seton put it this way: “Can you expect to go to heaven for nothing? Did not our Savior track the whole way to it with His tears and blood? And yet you stop at every little pain.” We want to take the lead and we don't want to follow anybody! But that's not what Jesus asks of us. He asks us to take up our daily cross and follow him. He’s the only one whose expectations really matter. Because he is leading us to eternal life. We don't know the way to heaven, but he does. And he told us plainly that picking up our cross hour by hour is the way to do that. Finally, St. Katherine Drexel wisely tells us: “Peacefully do at each moment what at that moment ought to be done. If we do what each moment requires, we will eventually complete God’s plan, whatever it is. We can trust God to take care of the master plan when we take care of the details.” We can best take care of the details when we plan well and accept the unexpected with grace. If you’d like to learn skills to start living more intentionally in God’s grace every day, register here for my free workshop, “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.”

I felt shame last week when my hairdresser cancelled on me and I had to give a presentation looking like Roseanne Roseannadanna. I know – first world problems, right? But shame can still blindside me. And we all need to know how put shame in the trash can, no matter how or why it rears its oppressive head – because it’s never good.    Shame or Guilt? Hey, wait – isn’t it holy to feel guilty when we’ve done something that offends God? Yes, but here’s the difference: Shame is a feeling of sad worthlessness that comes from the lies of our enemy. “You failed.” “You’ve lost everyone’s respect.” “What’s the use?”  The devil is all about shame and blame. He wants to separate us from the love of God – separate us from the reality of who we are in God’s eyes. After all, misery loves company – and our enemy wants us to feel as despairing and miserable as he does! Throw his lies in the trash by asking yourself, “Is it a sin that’s causing me this pain?” If the answer is no, and the shame comes from social awkwardness, or an honest misunderstanding, or if your hormones are acting up and you feel like everything you do is wrong today, reach out to God with a prayer like this: Thank you, Lord, for this day. Thank you for all the people I will meet this day. Help me to remember that the meaning of my existence is your love for me – and that I don’t have to do or be anything except who I am for you to love me completely. I love you, too, Lord. Keep me in your protection and care. Amen.   Constructive Guilt If you feel bad because you did something uncharitable, make a beeline to Confession. Guilt can actually be our friend because it nudges us to get to the Sacraments. There, we can accept the healing and forgiveness that God is always offering us – and be sparkly new again.   Attitude Shift Ponder Jesus’ words to the lay mystic Gabrielle Bossis from her book He and I. This is Jesus, now, talking to a lay woman just like you and me: “Even if you ceased to love me, I should always love you. Even if you no longer listened for my voice in the silence, I should still make it possible for you to hear me. This is how every sinner finds me waiting.  “Who could ever weigh my love or set a price on it, or measure it? And who could ever dream of the immensity of my tenderness? For my love is tender. When you hear me say, ‘I am thirsty,’ I’m calling on your tenderness….”   Tip to Combat Shame Jesus waits for our love. And he thirsts to give us his – always and everywhere, no matter what we’ve done. He’s waiting. Consider spending some quiet time with him before the Tabernacle or in any quiet place this week and let him love you. Your shame will begin to evaporate and God will replace it with confidence that you’re safe in his arms.   Take the Next Step If you’re bothered by feelings of shame that you can’t shake – or not sure what to even do or say when you try to connect with God – let’s talk.  As a spiritual director, I’m trained to ask you questions that you’ve probably never asked yourself – which will get you crystal clear on where you are now spiritually and how to take the next step forward with confidence. Book a free Clarity Call with me at TalkWithRose.net.  I promise you’ll walk away encouraged, knowing what your next best step is to have a close connection with God so that you can live every day with the confidence of a beloved daughter.   

Any prayer or virtuous action is a way to help the whole world. But St. Catherine of Siena’s prayer packs an extra punch; it echoes the earnestness and trust of Abraham when he repeatedly bugged God: “But what if only 15 good men were found? …Did I say 15? …Um, what if only 10 were found?” Like Abraham, Catherine addresses her plea to God the Father. But Catherine goes one better. She is bold in her trust to ask for the whole shebang—on account of Jesus Christ, who already paid for everything she asks for.  She has the humility to admit she’s part of the problem, but is audacious enough to be part of the solution as well. If you want to help everyone in the whole world today, get in front of a picture of Jesus, grab a hankie, and pray aloud with me: “My sweet Lord, look with mercy upon your people and especially upon the mystical body of your Church. Greater glory is given to your name for pardoning a multitude of your creatures than if I alone were pardoned for my great sins against your majesty. It would be no consolation for me to enjoy your life if your holy people stood in death. “For I see that sin darkens the life of your bride the Church – my sin and the sins of others. It is a special grace I ask for, this pardon for the creatures you have made in your image and likeness. When you created man, you were moved by love to make him in your own image. “Surely only love could so dignify your creatures. But I know very well that man lost the dignity you gave him; he deserved to lose it, since he had committed sin. “Moved by love and wishing to reconcile the human race to yourself, you gave us your only-begotten Son. He became our mediator and our justice by taking on all our injustice and sin out of obedience to your will, eternal Father, just as you willed that he take on our human nature. What an immeasurably profound love! “Your Son went down from the heights of his divinity to the depths of our humanity. Can anyone’s heart remain closed and hardened after this? “We image your divinity, but you image our humanity in that union of the two that you have worked in a man. You have veiled the Godhead in a cloud, in the clay of our humanity. “Only your love could so dignify the flesh of Adam. And so by reason of this immeasurable love I beg, with all the strength of my soul, that you freely extend your mercy to all your lowly creatures. AMEN.” Well, my friend, by the grace of God, you’ve just helped everyone in the world!If you'd like to find out about my simple 5-step process to banish anxiety, overwhelm, and self-doubt, let's talk! Book a free call here. You have my prayers for a blessed week! ❤️ Rose

“Doorways” was the theme of the retreat. Thirteen spirit-filled women gathered at St. Damiano near Winchester, Virginia, where I offered meditations. We pondered the many doorways in our life: big doorways to life and death. To a new season in life. Doors that open and close to friendships over the years—and the little doorways we pass through with our day-to-day choices. And the doorways that lead to other doorways, as God leads us one step at a time. My biggest door—a physical one—was to the chapel where, in 1990, I would walk in a Protestant and walk out a Catholic. My reception into the Church was only possible because I had opened the doorway of my heart to the gentle, insistent knocking of Jesus. Of all our doorways, the most important is the one to our heart. The one Jesus is knocking on in Revelation 3:20. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will enter his house and dine with him, and he with me.” Our hearts were made to resonate at the frequency of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Do we heed the cadence of his knocking and let him in?  What am I letting in this door? There are two reasons the door to our heart is the most important of all. 1What we open our heart to informs all the other doors we’re likely to open or close. Letting Jesus inhabit our heart ensures that our other choices will build up the Kingdom in our souls, in our relationships, and in the world. 2The second reason why the door to our heart is most important is that we become what we love.We are, in a way, transformed into what we invite into our hearts. I invite you to ponder what things you let into your heart. And how you have been changed by those things. How you have, in a way, become what you let through that door. So many things knock on the door of our heart! Will we listen for Jesus’ distinctive knock? It’s usually not the loudest one. And how will we respond?    Then and now Before I opened the door to Jesus, I let a lot of darkness in. I let other people define who I was. Overachieving and perfectionism were my cover-ups for low self-worth. Fear of failure and rejection ruled my life. When I finally opened the door to Him, everything began to get better—lighter.  Self-doubt, anxiety, and perfectionism were crowded out by thoughts and actions that reflected a new hope. Today, I love showing people who are struggling those things how to overcome them in practical ways that are 100% Catholic—with Jesus at the center.   Lives are changed People who work closely with me discover the simple keys to reclaiming their peace when someone or something tries to steal it.  For example, my client Alsy, a work-from-home mother of two littles, said, “The kids will continue to be crazy, but I’m in a better place.” After working with me, Amy, a Florida sheep farmer, said, “I don’t beat myself up like I used to.” Before we worked together, Kristie, a medical coder and grandmother, described herself as impatient. Today, she says, “I bring a quiet spirit to situations that used to annoy me. Now, I constantly feel a sense of grace, or calmness and contentment in whatever I’m doing.”   Next step As a coach and spiritual director, I would love to offer you a free Clarity Call to find out what your next best step is to overcome chronic anxiety, indecision, and self-doubt—for good.  So that you can step into your Catholic womanhood with more confidence and joy. Schedule a free, no obligation phone call with me here. Julia said, “I feel like I should pay you for this call—it was so valuable!”  But, nope—it’s free. 😇 Book your call now!