Shame Belongs in the Trash Can

So many Catholic women feel like when they pray, they're just going through the motions—just getting through with it and moving on to the next thing on the to-do list. They want more out of prayer but they don't know how to get there. Sometimes, it’s a constant battle to stay present in praye— and after we finish, it’s all a blur. (If your prayer gets derailed by distractions, join me in my free workshop: “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.” Register here.)   #1 TipHere’s my number one tip to get back on track to make your prayer more meaningful: Forget the boxes for one day. Forget your routine. Forget what you think you should be doing—and do this: Take one prayer and pray so slowly that it brings up questions and thoughts in your mind. Reflect on those questions and thoughts. Just one prayer for today. I'll give you an example. When I slowed down praying the Magnificat, here’s what showed up:    My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,  My soul is created to proclaim the greatness of a Lord, not the greatness of myself.   my spirit rejoices in God my Savior  My spirit is not created to rejoice in what I have accomplished, or what I have, or what I look like. I am created to rejoice in God, who is eternal love.   for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant. I rejoice because God has looked on me with his favor and his mercy. He has created me in his own image to love and to be loved; to know, love, and serve him. I rejoice in him because everything good I have comes from him; all my hope is in him. I rejoice because he rejoices in me. “The Lord…will rejoice over you with gladness, and renew you in his love” (Zeph 3:17).   From this day all generations will call me blessed: the Almighty has done great things for me,  It is the Almighty’s action in me, and that alone, that makes me blessed, that helps me to do anything important and connected with eternity. All good that I have ever done or ever will do is from God working through me.   and holy is his Name. Everything holy in me, everything God-like that I aspire to—comes from him, imitates him, and reflects him shining in me.   He has mercy on those who fear him in every generation. I revere his awesome power to do good through me if I just say “yes.” I have no power to do good on my own, independent from him. I pray for the grace to receive his mercy and to show that mercy to everyone he puts in my path today.   He has shown the strength of his arm, he has scattered the proud in their conceit. God cannot be overpowered or outdone. His strength alone is my strength. When I feel scattered, it means that I am trying to use my own strength, which is weakness itself. I rely entirely on God’s power to bring good outcomes in my life.   He has cast down the mighty from their thrones, and has lifted up the lowly. The more I remind myself and try to live out my own powerlessness, the greater power I have to do good because I am emptying myself of my own pride, my own will, my expectations, my desires—making room, as Mary did, to be filled up to overflowing with God’s eternal power.   He has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty. The “good things” God fills us up with are his very self. When he fills us in the Sacraments, in prayer, and in service, we are filled with God’s own peace, knowing that he has our back and it is he who is accomplishing all we are doing. “Lord, you will decree peace for us, for you have accomplished all we have done” (Is 26:12).   He has come to the help of his servant Israel, for he has remembered his promise of mercy,the promise he made to our fathers, to Abraham and his children forever. God’s promises are beyond our comprehension in their scope and depth of love. And all his promises are ours if we say with Mary, “Let it be done to me according to your word.” Our yes is the golden key that opens God’s heart—that opens heaven on Earth, that opens eternity to us—beginning here and now.   This is what happens when you limit the number of prayers you’re praying and slow down to give fewer prayers enough time for a connection to happen. My reflections inside the Magnificat would never have shown up if I had just checked-that-box on my way to the next to-do. It doesn’t have to be a long prayer like the Magnificat. It can be short—sometimes it’s just one word. The key is to listen. 🙏 If you struggle to stay focused in prayer, join me in my free workshop: “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.” Register here!  

Any prayer or virtuous action is a way to help the whole world. But St. Catherine of Siena’s prayer packs an extra punch; it echoes the earnestness and trust of Abraham when he repeatedly bugged God: “But what if only 15 good men were found? …Did I say 15? …Um, what if only 10 were found?” Like Abraham, Catherine addresses her plea to God the Father. But Catherine goes one better. She is bold in her trust to ask for the whole shebang—on account of Jesus Christ, who already paid for everything she asks for.  She has the humility to admit she’s part of the problem, but is audacious enough to be part of the solution as well. If you want to help everyone in the whole world today, get in front of a picture of Jesus, grab a hankie, and pray aloud with me: “My sweet Lord, look with mercy upon your people and especially upon the mystical body of your Church. Greater glory is given to your name for pardoning a multitude of your creatures than if I alone were pardoned for my great sins against your majesty. It would be no consolation for me to enjoy your life if your holy people stood in death. “For I see that sin darkens the life of your bride the Church – my sin and the sins of others. It is a special grace I ask for, this pardon for the creatures you have made in your image and likeness. When you created man, you were moved by love to make him in your own image. “Surely only love could so dignify your creatures. But I know very well that man lost the dignity you gave him; he deserved to lose it, since he had committed sin. “Moved by love and wishing to reconcile the human race to yourself, you gave us your only-begotten Son. He became our mediator and our justice by taking on all our injustice and sin out of obedience to your will, eternal Father, just as you willed that he take on our human nature. What an immeasurably profound love! “Your Son went down from the heights of his divinity to the depths of our humanity. Can anyone’s heart remain closed and hardened after this? “We image your divinity, but you image our humanity in that union of the two that you have worked in a man. You have veiled the Godhead in a cloud, in the clay of our humanity. “Only your love could so dignify the flesh of Adam. And so by reason of this immeasurable love I beg, with all the strength of my soul, that you freely extend your mercy to all your lowly creatures. AMEN.” Well, my friend, by the grace of God, you’ve just helped everyone in the world!If you'd like to find out about my simple 5-step process to banish anxiety, overwhelm, and self-doubt, let's talk! Book a free call here. You have my prayers for a blessed week! ❤️ Rose

“Doorways” was the theme of the retreat. Thirteen spirit-filled women gathered at St. Damiano near Winchester, Virginia, where I offered meditations. We pondered the many doorways in our life: big doorways to life and death. To a new season in life. Doors that open and close to friendships over the years—and the little doorways we pass through with our day-to-day choices. And the doorways that lead to other doorways, as God leads us one step at a time. My biggest door—a physical one—was to the chapel where, in 1990, I would walk in a Protestant and walk out a Catholic. My reception into the Church was only possible because I had opened the doorway of my heart to the gentle, insistent knocking of Jesus. Of all our doorways, the most important is the one to our heart. The one Jesus is knocking on in Revelation 3:20. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will enter his house and dine with him, and he with me.” Our hearts were made to resonate at the frequency of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Do we heed the cadence of his knocking and let him in?  What am I letting in this door? There are two reasons the door to our heart is the most important of all. 1What we open our heart to informs all the other doors we’re likely to open or close. Letting Jesus inhabit our heart ensures that our other choices will build up the Kingdom in our souls, in our relationships, and in the world. 2The second reason why the door to our heart is most important is that we become what we love.We are, in a way, transformed into what we invite into our hearts. I invite you to ponder what things you let into your heart. And how you have been changed by those things. How you have, in a way, become what you let through that door. So many things knock on the door of our heart! Will we listen for Jesus’ distinctive knock? It’s usually not the loudest one. And how will we respond?    Then and now Before I opened the door to Jesus, I let a lot of darkness in. I let other people define who I was. Overachieving and perfectionism were my cover-ups for low self-worth. Fear of failure and rejection ruled my life. When I finally opened the door to Him, everything began to get better—lighter.  Self-doubt, anxiety, and perfectionism were crowded out by thoughts and actions that reflected a new hope. Today, I love showing people who are struggling those things how to overcome them in practical ways that are 100% Catholic—with Jesus at the center.   Lives are changed People who work closely with me discover the simple keys to reclaiming their peace when someone or something tries to steal it.  For example, my client Alsy, a work-from-home mother of two littles, said, “The kids will continue to be crazy, but I’m in a better place.” After working with me, Amy, a Florida sheep farmer, said, “I don’t beat myself up like I used to.” Before we worked together, Kristie, a medical coder and grandmother, described herself as impatient. Today, she says, “I bring a quiet spirit to situations that used to annoy me. Now, I constantly feel a sense of grace, or calmness and contentment in whatever I’m doing.”   Next step As a coach and spiritual director, I would love to offer you a free Clarity Call to find out what your next best step is to overcome chronic anxiety, indecision, and self-doubt—for good.  So that you can step into your Catholic womanhood with more confidence and joy. Schedule a free, no obligation phone call with me here. Julia said, “I feel like I should pay you for this call—it was so valuable!”  But, nope—it’s free. 😇 Book your call now!

I felt shame last week when my hairdresser cancelled on me and I had to give a presentation looking like Roseanne Roseannadanna. I know – first world problems, right? But shame can still blindside me. And we all need to know how put shame in the trash can, no matter how or why it rears its oppressive head – because it’s never good.    Shame or Guilt? Hey, wait – isn’t it holy to feel guilty when we’ve done something that offends God? Yes, but here’s the difference: Shame is a feeling of sad worthlessness that comes from the lies of our enemy. “You failed.” “You’ve lost everyone’s respect.” “What’s the use?”  The devil is all about shame and blame. He wants to separate us from the love of God – separate us from the reality of who we are in God’s eyes. After all, misery loves company – and our enemy wants us to feel as despairing and miserable as he does! Throw his lies in the trash by asking yourself, “Is it a sin that’s causing me this pain?” If the answer is no, and the shame comes from social awkwardness, or an honest misunderstanding, or if your hormones are acting up and you feel like everything you do is wrong today, reach out to God with a prayer like this: Thank you, Lord, for this day. Thank you for all the people I will meet this day. Help me to remember that the meaning of my existence is your love for me – and that I don’t have to do or be anything except who I am for you to love me completely. I love you, too, Lord. Keep me in your protection and care. Amen.   Constructive Guilt If you feel bad because you did something uncharitable, make a beeline to Confession. Guilt can actually be our friend because it nudges us to get to the Sacraments. There, we can accept the healing and forgiveness that God is always offering us – and be sparkly new again.   Attitude Shift Ponder Jesus’ words to the lay mystic Gabrielle Bossis from her book He and I. This is Jesus, now, talking to a lay woman just like you and me: “Even if you ceased to love me, I should always love you. Even if you no longer listened for my voice in the silence, I should still make it possible for you to hear me. This is how every sinner finds me waiting.  “Who could ever weigh my love or set a price on it, or measure it? And who could ever dream of the immensity of my tenderness? For my love is tender. When you hear me say, ‘I am thirsty,’ I’m calling on your tenderness….”   Tip to Combat Shame Jesus waits for our love. And he thirsts to give us his – always and everywhere, no matter what we’ve done. He’s waiting. Consider spending some quiet time with him before the Tabernacle or in any quiet place this week and let him love you. Your shame will begin to evaporate and God will replace it with confidence that you’re safe in his arms.   Take the Next Step If you’re bothered by feelings of shame that you can’t shake – or not sure what to even do or say when you try to connect with God – let’s talk.  As a spiritual director, I’m trained to ask you questions that you’ve probably never asked yourself – which will get you crystal clear on where you are now spiritually and how to take the next step forward with confidence. Book a free Clarity Call with me at TalkWithRose.net.  I promise you’ll walk away encouraged, knowing what your next best step is to have a close connection with God so that you can live every day with the confidence of a beloved daughter.   

Eating lunch yesterday, I looked out my picture window to see the neighbor boy, Avery, shooting hoops in his driveway, wearing a backpack. I wondered why he was wearing a backpack. Then, his mother came out and called him to the car. He got in and they drove off. Avery knows what some of us have forgotten: that there is true freedom of spirit in grabbing 10 minutes between duties to do something restorative. It could be spending a few minutes in prayer, it could be going outside for air, playing with the dog, or enjoying a piece of dark chocolate. Anything to break our routine and to remind us that we are children of God, born for freedom. For Avery, it was perfecting his 3-point shot. Management expert David Allen, author of Getting Things Done, advises us to make a list of things we can do in 10 minutes. Then, when we’re in between duties, or waiting for the next meeting to start, we can go to our list and make good use of that time. What’s in it for me?Two good things result. 1First, a short nap or a walk outside will charge our battery for whatever’s next. 2Second, even if the thing we do is a “duty,” like finally putting the new sticker on our license plate before it expires, we feel freer because that 10-min thing-to-do isn’t weighing us down anymore. The vice of sloth (which includes procrastination) plagues many of us. Surprisingly, the virtue that cures sloth is love. That is, if we love God more, we’ll be more eager to do what he asks of us. Instead of seeing our to-do list as a burden, we’re more likely to see it as our way of serving God today. (And God loves a cheerful giver!) On the other hand, if we find ourselves wasting time with nothing to show for it, we feel the opposite of free. The emotional rut just gets deeper, and happiness slips farther and farther away. But filling our “in-between times” with something on our list of quick things we want to do can keep us from being mentally crushed by what we have to do. We can build up our love of God by including one-on-one time with God on our “10-minute” list.Not sure how?Well, join me in my free 75-minute workhsop this Thursday, May 29: "Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose." You'll get inspiration and practical tips on how to connect with God with a closeness you may never have experienced before! Register here! Stress comes when we start believing we're in charge of making things happen and in charge of the results. That’s a frame of mind that can make it extra hard to reach for the 10-minute list. What? Give up control? Do something fun? Thanks, but I think I’ll just stew instead! Whoa, girl. That’s when I know the 10-minute list is my lifeline to the sip of peace and freedom God is offering me. And it took a 14-year-old boy in his driveway to remind me of that. As the psalmist sang: We escaped with our lives like a birdfrom the fowler’s snare;the snare was broken,and we escaped.Our help is in the name of the Lord,the maker of heaven and earth.Ps. 124:7-8 Here are a few things on my new 10-minute list: 1. Do something about the mystery stain on the stairs. 2. Dance barefoot to Dancin’ in the Street.3. Go outside and actually enjoy the flowers I planted. Scroll down to the comments and share one thing you can put on your list!(And don't forget to register here so you don't miss the "Banish Anxiety" workshop.) Love always,Rose

Resolving hurts and moving on is about the toughest thing we do. Forgiveness is a skill we get better at the more we practice. The Christian concept of forgiveness is letting go of our right to take revenge. It doesn’t mean we won’t follow through with a just lawsuit or call the police. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we need to be chums after the offense. It simply means we’ve given the job of payback to God, where it belongs. That frees us up spiritually to love. Because love means wishing the best for someone. We can both testify against someone in court and also pray that they go to heaven when they die. Three “masters of forgiveness” can show us how it’s done.  Forgive your persecutors First, Mohandas Gandhi (1869-1948) said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Forgiving means letting go of our victim status. Being a victim gives someone else power over our thoughts and our mood. Instead, forgiveness enables us to re-claim the freedom of the children of God to pursue virtue and let God take care of the rest.  In Gandhi’s case, forgiveness was mixed with a lot of courage as he faced repeated imprisonments from peacefully protesting unjust laws in South Africa and India. In total, he spent over six years in jail. Forgive yourself Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882) wrote, “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” Longfellow may have been thinking of times he hurt people because of his own desperate pain over losing the love of his life, his wife Fanny, whose dress caught fire one day and who died several days later from the burns. Longfellow had thrown himself on her to extinguish the fire, getting severely burned himself in the process. But it’s worth wondering whether he ever fully forgave himself for not being able to save her. Forgive the ungrateful St. Mother Teresa famously put it this way: “People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” It is said that “hurt people hurt people:” those that carry heavy wounds tend to wound others in turn. It can help us forgive if we remember that when someone hurts us, it’s because of their wounds, not because they marked us out for injury for no reason. Even Jesus on the Cross said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” In the end, everything is between us and God. Virtues like forgiveness are strengths of character that make doing the right thing relatively easy and joyful. And the only way for that to happen is to keep our eyes on Jesus, immerse ourselves in his wounds, and love with the strength of his Sacred Heart – especially when it’s difficult. Love always, Rose P.S. If you missed my live zoom workshop, “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose,” I’m doing it again in a couple of weeks! Claim your seat at rosefolsom.com/training. You’ll come away with tips for a prayer life that will make forgiving a little easier.

Does this sound familiar? You offer your day to God first thing in the morning. And because you did that, things go pretty well and stay relatively sane. You’re cruising along, trusting God’s will, feeling his power in everything you do, and then -- boom! The computer crashes or you run into a traffic backup when there’s no time to spare. What happened to our plans? Where did our peace go? I mean, we need to have expectations of what’s going to happen or we couldn't survive. We can’t do without planning, and planning means expectations. Which means frustration when things don’t go our way. What to do? If you carry little annoyances throughout your day, help is on the way! Join me in my free workshop, “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.” Register here.   It helps if a part of us is open to the unexpected – because our expectations can work against us when God has something else in mind. St. Francis de Sales said, “Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.”  Maybe it means holding our expectations with less of a grip, with less of a feeling that “this is what has to happen, or else.” And to practice expecting God to redirect our plans sometimes and to trust that it’s for our own good.  Our first reaction can easily be “No, this can’t happen.” But what if our second reaction was that of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton: “Oh, my heavenly Father, I know that these contradicting events are permitted and guided by Thy wisdom, which alone is light.” Mother Seton developed a habit of recognizing God’s action when her plans and expectations were preempted – she learned to let him in when people and things contradicted her expectations, many times every day. At the time when God is redirecting us, it feels like we’re driving along in our car and the passenger suddenly grabs the steering wheel and turns a corner we weren't expecting. It feels shocking and it feels like something that's ours -- my plans, my expectations are being hijacked. It feels territorial. And now our schedule to achieve something by noon is in the trash. Having our expectations contradicted never feels good. But the Cross never feels good. It didn't feel good to Jesus and it doesn't feel good to us. If, like Mother Seton and Francis de Sales, we can see our expectations as being as being expendable when God wants to replace them with something else -- and see it as a healthy part of our Christian journey, we will be learning to take up our daily cross and follow him. Mother Seton put it this way: “Can you expect to go to heaven for nothing? Did not our Savior track the whole way to it with His tears and blood? And yet you stop at every little pain.” We want to take the lead and we don't want to follow anybody! But that's not what Jesus asks of us. He asks us to take up our daily cross and follow him. He’s the only one whose expectations really matter. Because he is leading us to eternal life. We don't know the way to heaven, but he does. And he told us plainly that picking up our cross hour by hour is the way to do that. Finally, St. Katherine Drexel wisely tells us: “Peacefully do at each moment what at that moment ought to be done. If we do what each moment requires, we will eventually complete God’s plan, whatever it is. We can trust God to take care of the master plan when we take care of the details.” We can best take care of the details when we plan well and accept the unexpected with grace. If you’d like to learn skills to start living more intentionally in God’s grace every day, register here for my free workshop, “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.”

Today we experience what the ancients longed to see. “Oh, that you would tear the heavens open and come down!” (Is. 63:19). At Pentecost, the Holy Spirit came down from heaven in tongues of fire. That fire changed the apostles from men who cowered in fear to men who boldly proclaimed the risen Christ.  The Blessed Virgin had already given consent the “overshadowing” of the Holy Spirit, her spouse, at the Annunciation. She was present to prepare and accompany the apostles to be changed forever from timidity to boldness in love. Our baptism and confirmation give us the same boldness in the Truth! But we’re so often afraid! How can we live out that boldness?   Let God Do It A friend told me today that she prays, “God lead me in your path, even if I know nothing about it.” The same thought has been on my mind lately. Because my prayer too often assumes that I am on the wrong path and I beg God to put me right. But what would happen if I assumed that God hears my prayers, knows what he’s doing, has actually sent the Holy Spirit, and I’m on the right path without knowing it? Wouldn’t that change everything?   Low Confidence in Myself I become discouraged when I rely too much on my own strength to become holy and to do the virtuous thing. I see my failures and wonder whether I can ever do it.  Did I say “I”?   Confidence in the Spirit Believing that God is guiding us—really believing it, though we may not see it—changes our attitude toward everything. It frees us from doubt and even self-doubt. Because it’s not about us, it’s about God working in us.  That kind of faith in our personal daily “pentecost,” which is about receiving rather than just doing, frees us to love without worrying about the results. It frees us to do that scary thing for God that will give someone else the courage to take holy risks.  It frees us from worry about the future because we really believe that the good God is in control.   Big Plans God has big plans for us! They include giving us everything we need to become the image of His Son, through whom and for whom we were created. And we know that’s just the beginning: he plans to keep us close to him forever in heaven, which we can start practicing for now.  I challenge you to live this week as if all the gifts of the Holy Spirit are yours, that they are already alive and active in you. I challenge you to take your eyes off your weaknesses and look instead at God’s victory in you, as you receive the tongues of fire he is sending you right this moment to his glory and yours. And if you’d like practical tips for stepping out in faith, join me at my upcoming workshop: “Banish Anxiety: 5 Simple Steps to Lasting Peace and Purpose.” Register for free here.